A Runaway’s Tale (1/5)

o-DEPRESSION-facebook

 I was so foolish. I made a huge mistake that got me into so much trouble. I almost put my family at risk of losing me. What had gotten into me? Why would I do such a thing? I can feel the void in me. I can’t be around anyone. I have to get away….

Alcohol Possession and/or Use

4/30/2015

10:15:00 AM

That is my write up report from school during my sophomore year along with receiving a 5 day suspension out of school, my first suspension in all my life going to school. I know what you maybe thinking, so let me further explain.

After a terrible break up with an ex-girlfriend, the morning before school began I stated to her that I would begin to drink to drown out the depression I was in after the split. I only said it to try & get a reaction out of her to see if she cared as I still did for her. A bluff it really was. But I did not get one. A frustrated me, felt as though actions would speak louder. So later that same morning when I came to school, I began acting out as if I was drunk. Stumbling over my own feet, mumbling, talking ridiculously, & when asked what was wrong, I stated I drunk a few things before coming to school such as Vodka, Crown Royal, & Whiskey. People were actually believing it because of the act I displayed. My good friend, was trying his hardest to calm me down & talk to me, but I ignored it all.  Whenever I looked at her, I grew angry. I started pretending that I was shooting her & started lashing out at her about me being hurt. Said some rude things that eventually led to an altercation that turned physical between us. Even through the anger & act, I still had my conscious to not hit her. Her friends & my friend held us both back & then we were sent to the office to tell sides of the story.

When questioned, I stated the beverages I told others that I consumed before coming to school & she too told the administration about me being drunk. My foolish self did not want to admit to my depression & being emotionally hurt by the split. Nor did I want people to think I was just acting crazy although I already was for what I had done. Following the statement of being drunk during the incident, the administration took further action by sending me to the police officer in our school & issue a breathalyzer test that came up 0.00, a dead giveaway that I was never drunk. Right there I should’ve stated I wasn’t drunk at all, I kept a closed tongue. Foolish what was I thinking? By me not saying anything, the administration still took my word & put it in the system & gave me my first suspension along with a phone call home. I was in for a rude awakening….

I was pretty much stripped from everything I had along with receiving lectures from my family, who I put at risk of being inspected by Child Protective Services as I said the beverages were received from home. I was lost, hurt, empty. I couldn’t be in a house where everyone lectured me about my wrong doing. The very next day, I woke up in the morning to overhear me being talked about downstairs, being lectured yet again from a distance. I couldn’t bear to listen to it anymore.

While in my room, I packed a bag with some clothes, a spare phone I kept hidden that I used for WiFi & music, my charger, earphones, & a comic book. I put on a red hoodie, light colored jeans, a pair of Jordan’s I got for Christmas & got my wallet which had a bit of a cash from my last check from my job. I texted a few of my close friends on the texting app “Kik” & told them that I was planning to run away from home. They were still in school at the time, but one of them, the one that pulled me away, responded saying he didn’t believe me & that I shouldn’t. He was right, I shouldn’t do it. I can’t just run away from my problems. Why am I even thinking about doing this? 

I opened the window in my room, climbed on the window sill with my bag on me, but froze. My heart raced as I stared down at the jump I was about to make from my 2 story townhouse. I climbed down back inside & paced back & forth. I didn’t feel I had the guts to do it. But then, I climbed back on the window sill & stared down again. The jump seemed farther than when I first looked. My heart began racing. It felt like a do or die situation. Do I have the courage to take this leap & escape from my home? I moved closer to the edge & sat with my legs hanging off it. I closed my eyes for a second, placed my hood over my head & then…..

To be continued….

 

Advertisements
Categories: Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.