I feel like an exile from my family & friends. I can’t take listening to more lectures about my mistake. I feel I do not belong anywhere now because of how crazy I am for doing such a thing. The void in me grows. I’ve got to get away….
….I jumped. Right off my window sill & down to a narrow corner in my backyard. When I hit the ground, it was painful. I stumbled a bit when I touched down & my chest was painfully sore. It was too late to turn back now, I didn’t even want to turn back. I hopped over my backyard fence & dashed down the street as fast as I could without looking back.
Paranoid I was to the max thinking I saw my mother in her car driving around searching for me shortly after I got away from the neighborhood. I stopped at the corner store to get a drink for the road. I ran further away constantly looking around thinking I was being watched everywhere I go. I got to a bus stop & caught the next one that was passing to the city. While on the bus I took a picture of my bus pass & sent it to my friend, the one that told me not to do it. so he’d see that I was serious about running away. I’d have to wait until I got close to open WiFi for him to see it. Part of me was hoping he’d help me out because he had a car & could get me from wherever I would end up at. I just did not want to return home no matter what.
When I got to the city, the paranoia increased as I thought I saw my grandmother sitting on the benches or driving around looking for me as well. I started seeing police vehicles often so I was thinking they were searching for me. Speed walking away from them with a red hoodie on, I felt like I could’ve been an easy target for them. But fortunately, I was not being searched for.
I had no idea where to go. Anywhere but home would’ve been fine for me. I walked to the city’s library in search for some WiFi to see if my friend would respond in time before I was on the move again. I saw my other friends responded to me when I first said I was planning to run away. They could not believe that I did it & were worried about my well being. They asked me where I’d go & what I’d do to get around when I didn’t have a plan at all. My friend that I sent the picture of my bus ticket to, suggested that I take a bus over to his house & stay there until he got home from school. He gave me his address but I didn’t quite know which bus would’ve took me close to it. I winded up getting on a nearby bus that was headed farther away from home.
While on the bus, I was listening to music with my head laying against the window. I started crying a bit. I couldn’t believe what I had done. I didn’t think I’d even have the guts to do it. I was wondering if they realized I was gone yet. But I didn’t even care if they did or didn’t. I didn’t lock the door to my room, part of me didn’t want to be that cruel to where they’d have to breakdown the door or something just to get it open thinking I was completely ignoring everyone. That, & I shared a room with my brothers so I had to remember they’d be home from school later. Even being far away from home I still was paranoid of spotting someone from my family wherever I was. The bus I was on went all the way out to the Mall which was it’s last stop before it cycled back to the city. I had to get off & figure out where else to go.
I waited for another bus to come. I wanted to stay on the move & go further. It was a gloomy cloudy day outside which pretty much matched my entire mood. It started to drizzle, my hood remained on my head. Nobody bothered me or spoke to me as I waited for the next bus. When it came, I looked at where it was headed to. Part of me actually wanted to go there the whole time. I don’t know why, but I felt like I had a plan that I was hoping would work. I got on the bus & away I went once again farther from home. Out of all the places I could’ve got off at….