I am not a “Nigga”

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I can’t express enough how much I’ve grown hatred for that word. As to why it is a common everyday word said by my kind. I would say it all the time myself to friends & schoolmates trying to sound cool & all. But society later shown me what that word truly means across the US. Its no different, & no better than its original base. I honestly take offense to being called it.

The word “nigga” seems to overshadow the black male figure. It is believed that all black men are the same, or would grow up into being the same. To be born with no presence of a father, a corrupted drug addict of a mother, & end up wandering the streets. To live a life full of crime & felonies to end up facing life imprisonment, or to be dead by typical gun violence before they reach 21, 18 possibly. No proper guidance to stop the poor soul from facing the expected outcome made by the system to destroy a “nigga”. Without knowledge, you’re nothing but an empty vessel that can easily be dominated. And thats what was once done to us for so long.

Yet, even if that were not to happen, the system is still there in place for the moment you slip. Say if one came with both their mother & father in their life, living peacefully, educated, & working, who attempted to guide them the right way, to escape the claws of the system. But who’s to say they still wouldn’t get caught? Amongst the ghetto, no place is safe. Hardly anyone can be trusted. A false decision could result in a fatal incident such as entering a particular dangerous part of a neighborhood, going out with “friends”to somewhere you’ve never been or late at night to “hang out” trying to be “cool”. Yet trying to be “cool” has you defying your parent’s words & wishes, & doing the very wrong that the system was awaiting for, or even lead to your unfortunate demise.

And then we have the media that boasts the term “nigga”, music especially. Rappers pretty much define them, what they’re all about, how they act, etc. Whether its hustling out in the streets, selling drugs, having sex with multiple self claimed “baddest chicks”, or making money all the wrong ways, it promotes exactly what a “nigga” is all about. A chained never ending cycle to the black male that degrades themselves to that level to live.

I can’t say there wasn’t a time where I didn’t want to be that way. To get some kind of attention, to be cool like some of the people I see here. To be “hood famous” they call it. Seeing how the word is commonly used, I followed along. Calling my friends it, not minding myself being called it, trying to act cool, be a class clown, & mess with the girls. My mind was nearly set to become one due to influences. But my heart was too pure of positivity for me to become that degraded counterpart. I couldn’t even be half of it. I grew up with too much common sense to know not to do foolish things as they would. To avoid the corrupted, to follow a righteous path & become something more than just a black man thats expected to fail.

And it usually starts in the family household. A father’s absence from the child’s life, a mother’s heavy drug addiction, & having to be raised on the streets by other misguided people. Then you add on the arrogance, ignorance, disrespect, selfishness, lack of common sense to know whats right & whats wrong, all the negative traits that feed into the mind of a young black boy who grows & becomes such a person that the system captures with its firm grasp. The common stereotypical views on what becomes a “nigga”. & how their lives always fall short.

I’ve had both my parents in my life. Both in which were the absolute opposite to stereotypical views placed on us. We did not have a wealthy background, yet we were not poor. And while my childhood came with some hardships, they have taught me to separate myself from that treacherous word. To grow & become much more greater & positive. To be the complete opposite from what society sees almost all black men to be.

I’d be a fool to fall into such temptation to be that counterpart. It was never in my nature to be another addition to the system that was set to deteriorate us since the beginning. I am not just black. I am not a “thug”, a “gangster”, a “hustler”, nor a criminal. I am not poor, not a drug dealer or addict, not a trouble-maker, nor a killer or “soon to be” convict. And because I am none of those, it makes me “not black”. Speaking in proper sentences, dressing clean, saying no to drugs, & taking steps to being a leader makes makes me “white”. I am appalled by this in many ways. It is sad to see how my kind thinks that these negative traits are what define us as being black. But when someone wants to be different, to lead by example, & have positive traits makes him a sellout or “not black”. Sometimes I am not proud to be part of my own race because of how we represent ourselves. And its the reason why we get these negative views & are often racially profiled by America.

But why am I still in a place that I truly don’t belong in? I am nothing like them. I could never be like them. I know my worth, I value my life, yet it can be taken away at ease by these corrupted people who I am to claim as “brothers”. I can’t stress enough how much I’ve feared that my life would be taken at ease by these people. They do it so often, & they keep doing it. Nobody is safe, not even little children. It’s a blessing that I’ve survived for this long, but who’s to say that I can continue to with such chaos around me on a daily? I don’t want America to define me as the person I despise because of my skin. All I want is to live peacefully away from this hellhole I’ve lived in from the very start of my life. I’m tired of my kind constantly giving our race a bad reputation. I’m tired of all the profiling that all black men are the same on the inside regardless of the absolute good some try to show the world. I’m tired of the violence, tired of the killing, tired of the oppression, tired of the people society classifies all black men to be causing such disturbance to the communities & making life hard for those that try to avoid & be peaceful. But not being like the others makes me not part of “being black”. Yet, I could care less about that misconception.

I know who I am. I know who I am meant to be, & who I will become. And it’s certainly not to be another “nigga”….

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6 Comments

  1. Beautifully written! Although I live in India, I’m not unaware of this stereotyping. But your post made me realise why it’s offensive and gave me a quick look of the world from your eyes. And that, I think, is truly amazing. Keep up the good work, and keep believing in yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Really good post bro! Probably the best blog post I’ve seen so far! I’m really glad that you’ve decided to push against the stereotypes to make more of yourself, rather than settling for the “low life”. I hope your post encourages others to push against the stereotypes as well, so that others can discover their true potential.
    Also realized your blog is called New Beginnings. I end my blog posts with “起源” (Kigen), which translates to Genesis, because I’m looking for a new beginning as well. haha
    Anyways, God bless you and take care!

    Liked by 1 person

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