I am the third born child in my family under the first two which are older cousins that live in a different state.
However, I am also the first born child in my family locally as my older cousins were not born in the same area as us, leaving me to be a leader to the children of the future.
I am the first born child to my mother & father. I am the only child to my father, yet the first child out of 3 to my mother.
Then, down the road, my aunts & uncles have children of their own. All so young, full of energy & great possibilities. They are within close range to their ages & understand each other quite well.
But I? I am to be the leader of them all. The only oldest sibling to my two brothers, & the oldest out of all the children of the new generation.
It is….quite lonely up here. Being the eldest & leading by example, I sometimes wonder how it would have been if I was not the eldest. More specifically, if there was an older sibling above me. One of the same bloodline. An older brother.
Most of the guidance I receive comes from much older men. My father, my uncles, friends of the family & such. Even some co-workers from jobs & friends I have met have placed their two cents in as well on their experiences & giving some guidance to me.
But never will I have an actual part of my bloodline to look up at. To have an older sibling to watch & see them go through life as I follow along behind them. To learn from them & their experiences directly up close rather than from a story that was long ago by an adult.
My brothers, & all the children look at me as an inspiration. I’ve been told it so much. I’m like everyone’s big brother. When I mess up, I feel like I let them down. I wouldn’t want them making the same mistakes as I, just as a parent wouldn’t want their child to do the same.
I lead as an example of how a good person should be. To teach them to follow their dreams, strive for success, & to always be accountable for your actions.
I really only have myself to teach. I’m constantly learning things & finding myself along with having to remember I have children looking up to me. The figures I have are all much older. They have already become men. They have gone through trial & error, trial & tribulations to get to where they are. I am far behind them, & all I have are their words & knowledge of their past to help build me. And then I have to make sure I utilize them with my own knowledge & experiences to become a big inspirational figure to the ones that are behind me.
I have to go through things so I can come out & tell them which way they should go, what they should avoid, & what they should do if there are no other options to get around. I have to show them close up the right ways of living from the wrong. I have to be alert at all times making sure no one leaves the circle we are all bound to. All of this I do alone as the leader of this circle.
It is a tough position that sometimes you are just placed in without a choice. But there is always a purpose indeed to why it happened. Perhaps I was born to become a leader. Hence the reason why I am the eldest as it is a sign of a leader. Even though the true leaders of this circle are away, I am to take part as two in one. It is no where near an easy job to maintain.
But it is a true challenge to the development of my leadership trait. A challenge I will indeed overcome. With only myself as my inner older sibling, I know I can succeed.
These children I love dearly. They are my family, I have to protect them as best as I can. I have to make sure I show them right. I cannot fail the ones that are above. I cannot fail my family after they put trust in me to lead them.
I will not fail you all.