Am I destined to succeed?

It is….weird.

The position I am in.

I have the tools that are key to me building my success.

But it is not quite kicking off so well as I would’ve thought.

Not saying I have not been grateful for the progress already made, but rather…jealous to the fact that there are ways that outshine mine.

The generation I live in to be precise.

I should have known that taking this path would hardly appeal to my kind. Someone who dreams to become an author. Someone who dreams to write down words in such a way that anyone who reads would feel a connection nearly instantaneous. Someone who wishes to express his creative mind with the rest of the world knowing it would touch other creative minds out there.

And I have touched quite a number of people. Those who have shown their love & support prove that I am fulfilling my duty. And like always, I am forever grateful for that.

But its the large amount that show little to none. Brushing off the idea because it isn’t so “extravagant” to them. They prefer something different, something bigger, something more common. Such as one wanting to become a rapper, a singer, someone making their way through college, someone starting their own business, etc.

Or better yet, showing attention to those that don’t even deserve it. To be even more precise, the people that use social media to show off crazy, ridiculous, & brainless antics that somehow turns them into a trend. Its as if those that can make a whole crowd of people looking at their phones laugh or share to others they know will easily become that. But why must majority of the time if have to be for something that is outrageous?

Running into a store, taking something off the shelf, & then running out screaming on the camera & laughing somehow can become viewed over a million times. I can’t wrap my finger how that can even get passed 100 views. The moment you see it, it should be nothing but foolish behavior that you’d probably just brush off & not even give it any further attention. But people laugh, people share, & people give the person in the video a base to build on. Just as long as they create more of those kinds of videos for comedic value.

People recording brawls between other people, people pulling off life threatening stunts, pissing off the general public, creating rather corny comedy skits, etc.

Women have it especially easy when they can simply just show their body off. Have a nice cute face, fix up their body with some implants & surgery, & boom a famous model in the making.

I’m convinced that to be known in this society, one has to sell their soul in order to forget the common sense to not do crazy things so they can have the courage to do those things & not care for any repercussions. Such as those that are against the antics, those that believe the person behind the camera should know that this is not what you should be doing, those that bash the person for even putting such a video out there. But as they see the other people laughing & sharing the video, they allow the numbers to keep building up.

And somehow with the following they receive, they start getting a lot of attention on the media & even get the attention of celebrities. You’d see them taking pictures together, then see them in a nice house, nice car, & suddenly now “living lavish”. It keeps angering me to the core seeing stuff like that happen.

But that same amount of energy put into sharing can’t be applied towards someone doing something they are truly passionate about? Someone who spends their time living in peace, doing things they love to do with no intention of doing those things to gain public attention? Someone who is living, working, & maintaining on their own? Someone who is firm on believing that what they are doing will soon get the recognition it deserves over someone who does absolutely nothing but foolishness to get undeserved recognition?

Just a young man who works when he has to, goes home, relaxes, & does it over & over again until the next big spark hits his life. A simple life.

I get around by bus or Uber. If its really close by, I’ll take the walk to save money. I lack my own reliable transportation due to high insurance cost since I got my license only a year ago. I completed Driver’s Ed during high school, but there were other circumstances that I had absolutely no control over that prevented me from turning in my blue slip at the DMV. Let alone would I have been foolish to even consider paying the ridiculously high cost every month just to drive on top of other responsibilities.

I believe the path I am on will take care of all those problems later down the road. But it seems so far away. I’m starting to grow impatient. I know it is not good to be impatient because maybe there is a reason why I don’t have those things yet.

There are only a small amount of people I know that pay attention & follow me on this journey. I don’t go out begging for people to look at what I do, or beg them to show everyone they know my work & my life goals. Everyone is entitled to free will & I have to respect that no matter what.

I had a girlfriend that supported me on this path, but then later down the road when the relationship went south, she became a turncoat. Simply believing that what I was doing would make no progress since there was hardly any being made during the starting year.

Just as the vast majority would think. Because who would really take the time to sit & read a blog nowadays? It sounds boring just by saying it to people. A young African American with his own blog page is just so out of the ordinary.

But surprisingly, her mother showed support for it. Making me realize that I definitely have the power to touch various people just by believing in myself. That is all you really should do in cases like this.

I always felt as though I would appeal more to an audience of older people. Because I know older folk would understand me more. They would see that my mind is extremely different from the average mind of my generation. I’ve been told this by many. And even people of my generation have told me this as well.

I’m often asked about my plans for college to this day. By family members, by people I’ve worked with, & I give the same response:

“I believe I can be successful without it”

College has become the norm in todays world. You graduate high school, go straight to college if not a community college, keep striving as much as possible for a degree so it would look good on your background & resume, & it’ll also grant you a better future. One little piece of paper really can make a difference huh?

Well try saying that to those that have built their success without it. To those that realized college was simply a waste of time & held them back from doing the very things they were passionate on doing with their life. To those that gained absolutely nothing from even attending but loads of work for classes that were of no importance to what they actually were trying to do. To those that did not want to fall into the trap of being in debt for the next 20 years of their lives.

Now I know there are plenty of pros to going to college. Many have informed me. Not to mention I was accepted into Widener University which would’ve have been my start on my journey through college. But I didn’t know where to look for scholarships, my family were not in the position to be able to afford the tuition cost, & I felt a little insecure about going thinking it would be too hard for me. I was never an Einstein during grade school.

I could’ve went to a local community college & earned enough credits to be able to transfer over at a much lower cost, but the motivation to go just wasn’t there for me. The things I really wanted to do with my life are all in front of me.

img_3662I had the dream of wanting to build my own computer since the 4th grade. My uncle, who never even finished high school, had built his own numerous times, along with repairing computers as well. It didn’t take a degree to be able to know how to do that. Nor does it take a degree to be able to write how you feel. With me landing a pretty decent job, I saved up my money & pieced together all the parts needed.

And then I put two & two together. I achieved my goal of building my own computer, & from that I could furthermore pursue my dream to be an author with my blog. And then tap into many other possibilities that technology & the Internet has in store such as vlogging on YouTube & streaming on Twitch.

For those that don’t know what Twitch is, thats where people do live broadcasting of video games. It is quite a big trend in today’s world, & I have a nice little following of my own thats growing.

And I believe success can truly be built from both no doubt.

Yet, even then do I still suffer from the neglect from former peers & people of my generation as they follow hypes, trends, & other people that appeal to them much easier. It hurts a little inside, but I have to remember the ones that stand behind me. Those that give feedback on my work, those that tell me how much they appreciate what I do & how it helps them in a way, & those that keep telling me to never give up on my passion.

My faith remains strong, but my doubts keep haunting me. Making me start to wonder if I will ever have a chance.

The ghetto is no place for a person with a dream for success. Where I’m from, its hard to see any chance to get out of it. Such an accursed place that damn near ruins everyone’s lives.

But the time will come right? It must be destined to….

(Read: What Future for me, is there to be?)




  1. Steph, I agree with everything Barbara said. And I just finished a book that has your name on it: “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield. It’s perfect for helping a writer focus on what’s important. I wish I’d read it years ago. Remember too that the most important element of success is persistence. Best of luck, and keep following your own heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Steph, You’ve got a great style so far. You are honest and willing to be vulnerable in your writing. I agree, college isn’t for everyone. But if you’ve got the drive to be a writer, college is where you will meet all sorts of interesting people who will support your writing. If you don’t plan to go to college, make sure to read, a lot. Read the classics, read good modern literature. That will help you refine your own style and learn good, solid skills. Keep writing. Just like practicing a sport, writing must be practiced. And whatever you do, do not let anyone discourage or dissuade you from doing what you love. Your life will take many turns, but always listen to your gut and follow what makes you happy, as long as it doesn’t hurt someone else. Thanks for reading my blog. I plan to continue reading yours. Good luck.

    Liked by 3 people

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