Cold Hearted

So that is how it is huh?

I say how I feel & it means nothing to you?

Or because you don’t see anything more happening between us?

But when it comes to your feelings & what you want, its suppose to matter more than anything? Even mine?

Selfish.

So stubborn.

How has one ever even put up with such a person?

Or maybe at one point in time, you weren’t like this? I’m almost sure that it was not this bad in past times.

See, I get it. People change. Things from the past can affect who you become in the present. I’m well aware that there have been some rough years for you as it has been for me as well.

But do you know the difference between the genuine & the fraud? Or do you now just assume that all are a fraud?

Even me?

I was once both genuine & a fraud, & I’m sure you have been those as well. Unless, you just don’t ever see a wrong in your actions.

I can admit when I’m wrong, even if its something I strongly feel myself to be right. I can look the other way & look at another point of view to make the wrong valid. Yet, nothing you do now can ever be claimed to be wrong. Because we’d be wrong to object. We’d be wrong to speak our opinions to your claims. And because we speak differently, what you don’t understand is immediately wrong to you.

If it doesn’t make sense, why bother trying to understand?

In your way of thinking that is.

I constantly wonder, “am I getting what I deserve for the people I’ve hurt in the past?”. Because I see a reflection to how I used to act to the people I swore I loved so much. They reasoned, they cried, they begged, they gave their hearts out for me, & I maintained this level of selfishness & stubbornness to where it ruined everything that was built.

And I was to blame.

So here I am on the receiving end. Getting served the cold dish I once served to others that deserved a warm & well cooked dish. What goes around comes back around as they say.

But you always think you know when you’ll be betrayed. Even by someone who has zero intentions to ever do so. Some small thing could give you a red flag that failure is near. Or another possible heartbreak you’re trying so hard to avoid by any means.

I’ve broken hearts. I’ve hurt feelings. Your heart has been broken. And your feelings have been hurt. Both of us are on the opposite end. But I know that I have always been treated right. Nobody has ever done me wrong. It was always me. I had to admit that to truly understand the error of my ways.

You on the other hand, know when wrong is done to you. And where one has done wrong, more wrong can & will be done in your eyes. And then everyone else has potential to do the same. So comes in the trust issues & the lack of affection to anticipate the next wrong to be done to you.

Of course, you don’t see it as being selfish. You come first. Your feelings are important to you. You’re looking out for yourself & protecting yourself at all costs. I respect that. But everyone is not a threat. Everyone is not trying to be an enemy to you.

Never would I try to be either. Why would I even want to be? Why would I ever want to hurt you? If I do wrong I regret it instantly. If I hurt you, I try to make it up to you as best as I can. I don’t want history repeating itself on me.

And I’m sure you don’t want it to happen to you either.

We have a chance to make sure history doesn’t repeat itself on each other. Why am I the only one that sees that though. I know what is needed to be done for it to not happen. But it seems you doubt it. Already assuming we’d fail before we try.

Rome was not built in one day. Don’t we all know that by now.

But even that doesn’t mean anything to you apparently. If it doesn’t work the first go, then it won’t work at all. If everyone just gave up when the going got tough, there would be no success in this world in anything. And besides, how do you expect to gain any success in love when you refuse to accept it without doubting in what we could become in the future?

I would have thought I could thaw out that cold heart you now have.

What a fool I am thinking I could….

become_a_patron_button@2x

Introducing the New Beginnings patreon page! Click the image to visit & become a Patron by contributing only $1 or however much you choose! 

Advertisements

1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.