Awakened. Evolved. Improved.
I felt him. His presence. His power.
To my mother, I love you dearly. And to my father, I respect you sincerely.
I love everyone. My family, my followers, my supporters. I apologize for any wrong I’ve ever done, for the damages I may have caused to people & for the lies I have ever told in my life.
My spirit was truly cleansed at the beginning of 2021.
And I mean that literally. I kept saying I didn’t feel like an adult until one powerful day.
I have been on a long personal journey with the Lord himself ever since I gave my life to him before I began high school. It was a decision that surprised everyone around me including all of my family. It was unexpected, but the choice was done by none other than me who felt there was more purpose later than I would need help discovering. I was not forced or told by anyone prior to doing it either, so this was purely a solo decision unaware of how it would be the ultimate life changing one in a lifetime.
I had been battling the 7 deadly sins of my past mentally throughout the times I have shown my face & spoke my mind. I have been fighting a grave internal battle of conquering the evil that lied within my heart waiting to either kill me inside or be released to damage the world outside. I was faced with mind games & manipulation that altered my belief in having any trust or true faith. To lure me away from the light I was destined to follow.
I had already been damaged from my past when I was too vulnerable to even stand a fighting chance. I was already at an unfair disadvantage when I was struggling to remember who I really am & what I had done in my life that contributed to me still being alive & healthy to this day. I had believed success was measured by materialized things when it is the bane of those who live by sight. My mind had been altered to accept that reality. I was in a trance of believing I had a longer road that seemed endless by sight & was completely alone in walking down it.
Foolishly thinking I was, did I not even take a moment to stop, look back, & see who had still been there watching, waiting, & praying. My family, who has been watching the words I say & the significance in my movements. Only then did I realize that I had been under attack spiritually since I began life on my own & never had the courage to speak on it. Never had the courage to explain my mental struggles, or the heart to confess the evil within me that needed purging.
But with the destiny I was faced with, I knew the strongest of me was needed to manifest or else I would fail.
I have indeed been battling with the Devil inside of me since I was a child. I gave my life to Christ who pushed him out, but he was always around me. He could not touch me because of how protected I am, but knew my mind was always vulnerable to tricks & pressure of reality. Lure me away from the light, bombard me with nothing but evil deeds, & then corrupt my soul to never want to confess & fight for forgiveness again.
My ultimate battle of 2020 was fighting corporate standards in life that makes you think following your dreams & passions will not carry you in life. Those stupid MOTHERF***ERS think they know everything & can’t ever make a mistake in life because they’ll feel less of a human for not being flawless. I always carried personal battles within my life, which affected how I’d operate on the outside. Yet, I always walked with a smile on my face as if nothing was ever wrong with me after being repeatedly told that as a child. I was on the verge of killing off my emotions with pointless work to prove I was good at something when I never had shit to prove to anyone. I mentally did NOT feel like an adult even at 22 years old because I felt adulthood is all about hard works, paying bills, going to college, living a clean life towards the “American Dream”.
Of course what is unsaid is the fact that alone is the COMPLETE corporate standard for people that enter the world. I was a fool for ever thinking living up to a standard is what I needed to do to be somewhere when ANYONE that follows a set of standards is just a FOLLOWER. NO LEADER.
Am I right or am I wrong?
Am I not able to make mistakes & then still become successful later? I can’t recall the last time I ever did something terribly wrong in the world to ever be labeled as a mistake.
Do I just become a senseless menace to society? Do I just become a “Nigga” that isn’t shit? Do I just become a “delusional” mind in need of a therapist? Do I have to tell what my real “therapist” is? Because those that have stalked me long enough should probably know by now & then know that I don’t give a single fuck about who thinks I’m incapable of being a respectful person in this crazy deluded world. Maybe it is just the effect of being black, which we all should know how the world evolved us into believing we weren’t going to be shit if we didn’t follow & copy.
I discovered that I am no copy. I had been my own person who was making myself successful all along but had no courage to tell who I really am.
I have been a Twitch Streamer since the end of 2017 & I did not reveal my face to the world until 2018. I became known across the world as Stephjmillz on YouTube & was being featured for my exceptional skills & play making abilities in the game known as League of Legends in 2019. In that same year, I reached a high rank known as “Grandmaster”, a rank where most people do not reach by not having the necessary skills or intelligence to be their own players & make their own path to win. People pay their way to win, people cheat, etc, but as a live streamer, I showed no cheating in what I did & remained raw & transparent showing git & determination to achieve my goal as a high ranked player.
I connected with people across the world, helping them improve at not only the game, but also at life itself. I give nothing but positive vibes & fun in which we all need sometime from the harsh realities of life. I made money off of this kind of fun.
However, Twitch streaming is a place where people express their creativity in various ways & make success from the amount of support from views, fans, subscribers all across the world. I was a fool who thought I needed an official high rank in a game to be respected, much similar to how you think you need to live up to corporate standards to feel successful.
I was already living my dream of being a Twitch streamer, but was too afraid to tell of my living arrangements which meant nothing since I was already doing what I loved. There are people who left their jobs to pursue this passion & it was the best thing many people had done. I, being black, did not ever think this was something I could call “success”.
And my personal life did not help me think any better. The amount of lies I was told in my life was actually unlimited at a point. I was lied too very early in life to know how to even think as a grown man. No one understands that there is a level of confusion a child grows up with when faced with choices after being told two different perspectives of life. You end up struggling in a constant battle of trying to figure out what is right & what is wrong.
You only end up thinking you know what’s right based off of all the opinions in the world. And then you never think you could be wrong if you have a circle of people that relate to you.
I was being watched by corporate hardcore online after I left a program/internship position that I no longer wanted due to becoming an Uncle in my family & nearly mentally forgetting about my family for personal reasons. I did not need to give a reason of my disappearance or a response to my departure, but I knew I was being watched. They could not stop until they found their answer which was so interesting on how long they stalked me to figure out how to bait me out or destroy me.
I was like a King apparently to them, who knew how to talk & get by just by knowing how to act right & do work without questions or struggle. I did not fold to the struggles because I knew how not to. I was already more smarter than most people who just sat & looked calm & collected as any smart person would be. I was viewed as just a “rambler” of words & not making any sense of things because they wanted to find sense in EVERYTHING I say.
Come to find out I was just a man who believed in spirits to them. Who was the real fool? I didn’t spend all that time trying to figure me out just to come up with that conclusion that was already known. They watched me, studied me, thought they had their full report of who I am to the world, & then had the nerve to come out & say it towards me in a comment on YouTube.
Yes, I know who it was from. Just like I know who was watching me all along. And my response was basically the middle finger. Simple.
Oh how they just could not accept how well I know how to speak. As if knowing how to improve your grammar & vocabulary means you have to be an educated official. I didn’t have to go to college to know how to talk, act, or be productive in the world. I came into that side of the world already prepared on what to say & how to say it so well to where it just looked like I was so good. I proved without even trying I could get a job in corporate because that’s how easy they made it. Literally.
And then I did not care about how they felt since they care nothing about their employees at all. Nobody is your friend, your actual co-worker & such. They will backstab your whenever, & I see that I was backstabbed without even feeling a thing. I now see through the lies I was ever told to discover how many knives where in my back all this time. Just for me to still be walking & functioning perfectly fine.
You may wonder, how can this man still keep going on with his life with all the damage he did by being remaining silent. Wait, look at that sentence again. I remained silent, but still did damage? So, sounds like I was quite powerful in some way.
But you don’t have no power! You have NOTHING!
Ah, I see the answer. You just live by sight that is all. And you fell for the sight of me just to discover that I’m just a man of faith. You don’t know faith like I do, which is why you could never understand me. So that’s why you watched me, but my faith makes me a step ahead all the time. It was already done, so the is an immunity to your bullshit that was granted to me.
And that’s when I finally remembered that I am now an Uncle, & still the eldest brother in my family who has everything I need to live a free life. I have a new lover, who made me see the error of my ways & still remains at my side. I reconnected with my broken spirit & arose.
I became more powerful than you could ever imagine.